Rabbi Yisroel Roll, is an innovative psychotherapist and motivational speaker, and is presenting a new live four part teleconference called Keep Your Kids on the Derech through proactive self esteem techniques, starting February 16. Rabbi Roll believes that the key to keeping kids on the derech is for a parent to feel good about yourself-and then convey that self-esteem to your child. “If you feel valued, worthy and talented, then nothing anybody says, or does, can hurt you. As soon as you become aware of your own value, feel it and experience it,” says Rabbi Roll, “those small comments that blow up into major confrontations simply disappear and the “self” has room to breathe.”
Rabbi Roll has developed a new approach to parenting and motivating children called Identity Therapy where he helps parents and children discover and actualize their corestrengths. In his book, Bring out the Best, Rabbi Roll unveils his Wheel of Strengths, which divides the personality into six sections: Intellect, Social Skills, Character, Spirituality, Accomplishments and Goals. “Once people are empowered with awareness of their strengths, they act with positivity instead of negativity, which lends itself to healthy interactions in life and parenting,” he adds.
It is a parent’s responsibility to parent with self esteem. This means parenting with a focus on teaching your child who he or she is. What are their intellectual, emotional, spiritual, creative and midos strengths? It is your job to find something the child is good at and shines at—and foster and develop that mida, strength and talent. Parents can learn to parent with the Identity Therapy system.
Rabbi Roll suggests that in Identity Therapy he has discovered the elusive uniform therapy approach, which is the foundation and basis of all therapy approaches. Social scientists have been searching for the Unified Theory of therapy much like nuclear scientists are searching for the Unified Force theory of Physics, which combines and distills all of quantum physics into one underlying theorem. Rabbi Roll says, “Identity Therapy gives a person a sense of self awareness, purpose and destiny. That is the basis for existential, CBT, psychoanalytic and behavior therapy. If you know your true self, value and goals, then all else becomes clear, including how to find personal happiness, how to make your marriage work, and how parent effectively.
Identity Therapy helps people identity the “unfinished business” of their childhood. This has ramifications for how you operate at work, in marriage and in parenting. In the parenting context it helps each parent realize why their child reacts the way they do.
“Growing up, if children don’t find a sense of personal accomplishment, they end up carrying a low self image into marriage, and the marriage suffers due to a fragile self concept of one or both parties,” says Rabbi Roll. As adults, once they have integrated a Wheel of Strengths into their psyche they can begin to help themselves complete their
It is a person’s responsibility to work on themselves to heal their own emotional pain. Spouses can help the healing process by avoiding pushing the emotional buttons of their spouse’s unfinished business. “The definition of love is helping each other heal from their unfinished business,” says Rabbi Roll. Since emotional safety and security is the basis of trust within marriage, Rabbi Roll’s system requires zero tolerance for spousal criticism.
He explains how couples can discuss contentious issues with finesse and sensitivity by using “I” messages instead of “you” messages.
A unique aspect of Identity Therapy teaches clients how to enter into the “soul state.” In that mindset it is impossible to be critical of your child or your spouse, and the need to respond to criticism, or to criticize your child or spouse, disappears.
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