NEW YORK, NEW YORK, May 13, 2014, Hillary Clinton was quick to blame the other woman for the affair, calling Lewinsky a “narcissistic loony-toon”. Miss Lewinsky said she believed Mrs. Clinton “blamed herself for her husband’s affair (by being emotionally neglectful) and seemed to forgive him.”
As an infidelity investigator who has dealt with thousands of cases of infidelity, Hartley Moore says many people, when they suspect a partner has been unfaithful, are quick to blame the other woman. By protecting their partner, and not laying the blame where it should sit, it ends up slowing down the process of healing and moving on (within the relationship or separately).
The fact is, men cheat for a number of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with their wife. Some men simply are looking for an ego boost, or of the thrill of the chase and conquest. For other men, they are looking for variety, or the excitement of doing something “illicit”. If they have had multiple affairs, they only do so because they know (from experience) they will be forgiven. Often, women who are married to serial cheaters will scream and shout at their partner if they discover he has been cheating, but ultimately don’t take any action.
“Many men believe that once they have confessed, that should be the end of the matter. Unless you know that you’ve been heard on all levels and your partner has understood the gravity of his immaturity and the choices he’s made, then you’ll never get over his infidelity.”, says Hartley Moore.
Often men will play down the sexual aspects of the affair and claim it was more about the need to talk to someone who understood what they were going through at that time.In Hartley Moore’s experience, it doesn’t matter if he was looking at pornography, chatting with other women online, or physically having an affair, because in the end it was fueled by his desire for sex. If it was innocent, then the only question you would have to ask your partner would be, “Would you do any or all of these things with me present?”
By buying in to the idea that “it wasn’t really sexual”, what you’re doing is trying to justify your partner’s deception and to minimize your own emotional anguish. Most men will never admit to an affair. In majority of cases, his lies are to avoid having to face your anger and hurt if he tells you the truth. He hopes that denying it will make it go away and you’ll give up asking. He lies to protect his ego and often to protect the “other woman”, fearing that you will use the information to undermine him or her. And finally, he may fear that the truth will damage his image in the eyes of others.
So why doesn’t he leave? Because you didn’t leave. Threats without action are worth nothing. Julia Hartley Moore’s own life story is even more sensational than the contents of her best selling books. Julia was the first woman to own a Private Investigation company in New Zealand, in an industry totally dominated by male ex-police officers. With no formal Police background, Julia caused a major stir in the Private Investigation industry, but now her company, Arbeth & Co Limited, has grown to become internationally respected. In fact, Julia is so respected that nowadays all her team includes respected ex-police officers! Through her work as a Private Investigator and her life experiences, Julia has gained immense knowledge on the subject of Human Nature, Relationships and Infidelity.
For complete information about her book, please visit: “Infidelity: Exploding The Myths”.
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Company Name: Julia Hartley Moore
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Phone: +64 9 536 5500
Country: New Zealand