It’s almost second nature to ask someone “How are you doing?”, but Archie Messersmith-Bunting says asking that question is potentially doing more harm than people realize.
Archie, who is also known as ‘The Feelings Guy’, is a speaker and consultant providing leadership, mental health, and alcohol and drug prevention education at corporations and college campuses. He has become well known for his authentic approach and knowledgeable expertise, as he fluidly helps his clients and program attendees achieve their mental health goals with an emphasis on feelings.
His biggest mission is to inspire people to truly begin to share their real feelings on a daily basis.
“Sharing how we truly feel with another person should be as easy as tying our shoe or riding a bike – it should come naturally,” said Archie. “We are built to express ourselves – not lie about how we feel inside.”
He says instead of asking people, “How are you today?”, people should be asking “How are you feeling today?”. Ask a question that actually matters, not a question that is meant to be polite and pleasant at best.
Research has shown that people lie dozens of times each day. One of the most common lies we all tell is replying to the question “How are you today?”
“We are taught by society to reply, ‘I’m fine’. For many of us, that’s a lie – so we lie over and over again every day about how we feel,” said Archie. “Those lies become a way of life and a part of who we are and how we communicate.”
Perhaps one of the biggest issues at hand is that if people find themselves in suicidal distress or an emotional crisis, they have no practice in reaching out to ask for help and sharing how they feel. “Why would we ever expect someone who is hurting in truly massive ways to choose that day to begin sharing how they feel?” he says. Talking about feelings takes practice, and according to Archie, people should practice on the good days so that when things do get tough, they have practice sharing and asking for help.
“Also, fine is NOT a feeling,” said Archie.
The word “fine” essentially acts as a roadblock for intimacy and any real conversation. “Think about it – if people begin to share openly of their feelings to complete strangers, we all begin to reprogram society’s current way of communication. I believe we can begin to save lives if we give people permission to share how they really feel,” he said.
According to Archie, if people really care about one another, they will make this subtle change in the way they greet each other. He hopes to hear more and more people begin to ask each other “How are you feeling?” as opposed to “How are you doing?”
Archie is currently offering virtual programs and presentations to corporations, colleges, student groups and high schools. More information about Archie, his background, and his current offerings can be found at https://www.archiecares.com.
About Archie Cares, LLC
Archie Messersmith-Bunting, M.S., The Feelings Guy™, is a mental wellness champion and feelings expert who helps people discover how leading with their feelings can improve their quality of life and save the lives of those they come in contact with.